Why are we Should-ing all over ourselves?

So here we are a month into summer and it’s been feeling a little dicey. As a business owner and mother of two, I was excited about the break from school, the homework grind and packing lunches. However, with the much needed break came intense moments of struggle where everyone in the family seemed irritable and out of sorts as if the slightest change in temperature could make the whole thing combust.

Who knew asking your kids to carry their stuff out of the car would lead to a meltdown worthy of an Oscar? Clearly we ALL are adjusting to a new routine here.

Behind, Ahead or Neither?

I have also noticed that while spending more time with my kids is invaluable it has also left me with less time for myself. Calls and emails have not been returned this past week leaving me feeling “behind” (at home and at work) and this feeling typically leads to increased stress and anxiety.

I should be more organized than this, I should be more professional than this, I should be better at this.

But on second thought, I have a choice here and can look at what I’m gaining while other areas of my life are not where I want them to be. The truth is we construct our own reality. So who is to say I am behind? Or ahead?…Or neither?

Which leaves me asking you … where do you think you are behind?

“ I should be married and have kids by now!” “I should have my career figured out by now!” I should be financially independent by now!” – Says the not so nice voice in your head.

Is that your reality or one that you are constructing? While you are berating yourself in one area of your life, are you also looking at other areas where you feel proud? And if you want to take a hard look at those “shoulds” there are healthier ways to motivate yourself than shame, I promise you that.

What We Want

It is important for us to not lose site of what we are gaining as we go through life’s unending list of changes and frustrations.

With every new experience that wakes us up to what we care about and want, comes moments of anxiety and a sense of overwhelm.

You might not be married but if you look at who you really are in this moment and know what you want in a partner you are more likely to choose a better person now than you would have 5 years ago.

You might be disenchanted with your work but if you spend time figuring out what inspires you and make career decisions from that place you will find infinitely more career happiness now and 5 years from now.

One Step Back, Two Steps Forward

Before you move forward, take a step back and notice what you want to bring into your life. If I need more time for myself than I need to look at ways that I can create that for myself, instead of being irritable at those around me which inevitable makes me feel worse about myself.

If you are feeling ‘behind’ in an area of your life, pause and take a look at where this message comes from and if this message is making you feel good or bad about yourself.

Give yourself the space to figure out what you want and to make conscious choices from that place versus critical statements that make you feel worse about not having what you want. Remember we construct our own reality and we can choose a positive version for ourselves or the complete opposite; it’s entirely up to us.